I honestly don't know where to begin this post. Some of you may have noticed that even before our internet trouble my blogging wasn't the best. The truth is, we had some things going on in China that until now I wasn't ready to share. Some of it I briefly mentioned in Sunday School this past week, but wanted to just put it here as well.

As you know, it took us from wed-fri to travel to China with the girls. Obviously by the time we arrived we were beat. I truly don't remember being that tired ever...even after childbirth...ha! Our rep met us at our last airport-the 4th we'd been to on the way there and drove us to our hotel. When we got there, it was starting to get exciting. I walked in the room and the crib was sitting there by the window waiting for Piper. It seemed so real!

First thing, Emma went to the bathroom, and I hear Ava yell, She's drinking the water! I panic, run to the bathroom, and found that Emma had understood when we told her she couldn't drink the water from the faucet. Instead she drank it from the flower vase in the bathroom. So Mama had a small meltdown worrying about her getting sick, but all was well.

Our rep continued to stay in our room arranging for our bellman to pick up some bottled water and things for us, and then when he left, she said, I need you to sit down. So Paul and I sat down on the bed as she seemed nervous and said "I don't want to. I don't want." and then she stopped. She finally went on to tell us that a team of volunteer doctors had been to the orphanage where Piper was that week. They noticed something about the back of her head (she has a slightly flatter spot, almost certainly from months and months of lying in a hard crib and having a side preference). Anyway, they sent her for a CT. She was actually at the hospital for her CT in China while we were flying to her. Our rep told me that they had diagnosed her with mild communicating hydrocephalus. I literally just sat there and stared for I don't know how long. Just stared at her. She finally shook my shoulder and said, I am going downstairs to get the medical report and I will be back. I am ashamed to the core of who I am that I said, "NOW?" Now they tell us? Paul just sat there and waited for the melt down. The truth is I was too tired to melt down. All I could think of  was is their mild my mild and kept going back the worst version of this diagnosis I had known, and I knew with certainty I couldn't handle that, but I also knew with certainty that if I left this child, I would never, ever be the same or ever be able to get over it.

Wendy (our rep) returned and asked me if we were still interested in meeting her.At that point, the mama began peeking through just a bit, and I cried as I asked "is she okay?" "I mean, is she okay?" She said, yes, she's okay. We will call the orphanage. She gets on the phone with the orphanage, and they begin saying "she's very smart, she's very smart" and my heart just broke. Imagined these women, who have held, loved, fed, taken care of my child feeling like they had to reassure me that she was smart. It broke my heart. Finally I asked if we could see her and they skyped her for us. As soon as they brought her on the screen I was a goner. I love Emma and Ava with all of my heart and soul, but her little smile is just something special. So when I saw it, I knew. Paul had already known. He never wavered. Not for a moment.

After a few minutes on skype, they said, they need your decision. DO you still want them to bring her to you. I instantly said Of Course. So they arranged for Piper to come to us one day early so that we would have 2 days instead of 1 to make our decision, although we told them our decision was already made. Now was I afraid? Terrified. I had no idea what we might be facing, but I had this face that God had given us, and I was going to be her mama. So I walked on Sunday with Paul and the girls feeling numb terror. When they placed her in my arms it was like she was home. I know that sounds hokey to some, but its the honest truth. I didn't waver for even a split second.

On the walk back, doubts of course came in, and I would look at Paul and say, can we do this? I know we are going to, but can we do this? His answers were always an unwaveringly yes. As the days went on, we of course signed the papers officially making her our own, although I want everyone to know we were under NO pressure. They were very clear that we didn't have to accept this new "condition". But we did. And we believed that whatever it was, He would see us through.

I met a sweet woman in China that I talked with in the playroom. She was there getting her 3rd daughter and I was pretty transparent with her, telling her, HE knows me. Good, bad, ugly, he knows me. He knew what might happen if those doctors had come a week sooner and they had told us about the ct or the diagnosis. I would like to say nothing would have changed, but I know that He worked it out just how it needed to be. Hearing the news but then instantly getting to see her smile was exactly what we needed to press forward.

Since coming home, we saw a Neurosurgeon the first week who made us feel SO much better. He said he doubted any major hydrocephalus and in fact said he would be very, very surprised if a shunt was needed for any fluid. So we left there encouraged with an appt for an MRI that would look at her brain, and also her spine to make sure nothing in her spine could be causing her club feet.

We went to a cardiologist to have her Pulmonary Stenosis evaluated. More nerves. After an exam, he says, she's fine, perfectly stable. We'll see her in a year and probably not much after that. No worries. Praise the LORD!

Next up: MRI....this past wednesday was the day. We took our monkey for an MRI knowing what it might say, yet fully prepared to deal with it. Shortly after leaving they called and said she had a perfectly normal brain and spine and needed no follow up. Can you imagine? First of all, had hydrocephalus been her diagnosis before we were referred, she would never have been referred to us. That diagnosis was a NO on our checklist, so they wouldn't have shown her to us. What if we had left it a NO when faced with it after we had her? We could have missed this sweet, amazingly yummy baby, who, by the way, DOESN'T have hydrocephalus.

To say I am thankful is an understatement. In the middle of other things going on, some tough times, time and time again he shows His favor on Piper. Today we found out her club feet can most likely be corrected with just braced shoes...no casting may be needed.

A year ago I looked at the Special Needs Checklist and just threw it away. Today I look at the cutest feet in all of China and just kiss them, because they are what brought her to us. Just like when we brought Emma home, I am just reminded of His utter faithfullness.

And if I haven't said it before, I highly, highly recommend these babies. Oh how sweet our life is with her. If He has whispered it to your heart, its not by mistake.